Sunday, August 8, 2010

Brian Explains Movies Based Off Their Trailers: Takers


"Takers"


Starring: Matt "give me a cough drop" Dillon, Stringer Bell, Uhura, Anakin Skywalker, that dude from Fast and the Furious who wasn't Vin Diesel, Chris Brown (really?), and T.I. (no, seriously, really?).


Explanation: Okay, so Stringer Bell and everybody else are friends (except Matt Dillon, that guy's a cop) and they're apparently professional robbers...they rob. No, I'm sorry, they're grabbers...they grab. That's not it either. It'll come to me. So, they're really good at whatever it is; we know this because the cops say that they are. AND MATT DILLON JUST CANNOT STOP THEM. But then T.I. shows up after spending his time in jail for, oh, let's say, owning a few too many automatic weapons while on parole. So, all the stealers...they steal, are all like "oh man, can we trust him?" "Do you think he rated us out?" "Why is Anakin Skywalker wearing that hat?" But T.I.'s all like "I have THE BEST. ROBBERY. IDEA. EVER."
His plan involves Anakin Skywalker hitting people with a baseball bat and Matt Dillon talking to his friend Jay Hernandez and getting into a fender bender with an armored truck and Anakin Skywalker jumping through the air with a gun after paying royalties to John Woo, and blowing up a series of feathered pillows, and T.I. reminding us via a song that "we ride AND we roll" and Chris Brown doing a lot of parkour.
'Cause they're Takers...they take. Nope, still doesn't sound right.

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