The Epic of Rogarth Part 3: Rogarth and the Trial of the Job Interview

Rogarth stared at the cat-shaped clock hanging in Ted’s office.

“Gift from the missus,” Ted said, indicating the clock.

“AYE,” Rogarth was still trying to remember the tips that Jeffery had given him about how to control the volume of his voice. He adjusted himself in the cold folding chair; trying to find a position that made him feel comfortable in the strange Earth clothes that Jeffery had given him. The clothes, which belonged to Jeffery’s older brother, proclaimed that Rogarth was currently “with” someone of inferior intelligence. Rogarth’s massive frame caused the seams to burst one by one with each movement.

“So…Jeffery tells me you’re European. I’m having a hard time placing the accent though. What part of Europe are you from?”

Rogarth thought back to the conversation he had with Jeffery the night before.

“If he asks what country you’re from,” he said “just tell him Iceland.”

“I COME FROM THE ICE LAND.” Rogarth smiled to himself, very satisfied with his own answer.

“Ah…Iceland, I see,” Ted looked down at his clipboard. He added a few more explosions to the masterful doodle he was crafting of himself standing in front of the ruins of the White House in his Anarchy Inc. uniform. In the doodle he had replaced the American Flag with a waving banner of his own face and he was flanked by Miss America and Miss USA who were fawning over his exaggerated cartoon muscles.

“So, Rogaine,” Ted continued “have you had any previous experience in food service before?”

“Aye,” Rogarth said. Again, this was part of Jeffery’s instructions. Always say ‘yes’ to any of the questions he may ask.

“And which restaurant did you work in?” Ted asked.

Rogarth could feel the pain in his head returning. His memories would fade in and out after he had hit his head and fallen into the parking lot, but they had slowly started to come back piece by piece. He remembered an old man in white and a woman in a flowing red gown.

“The…old man with the silver beard…” Rogarth said.

“Oh, Kentucky Fried Chicken,” Ted said “I didn’t realize their franchise had gone over seas…now then, do you have any experience with grilling meat patties?”

“Aye,” Rogarth said.

“How about firing automatic weapons?”

“What?”

“You know…in case of a robbery.”

“I am skilled with many weapons…I HAVE EARNED, THROUGH COMBAT, THE ENERGY SWORD OF THE GOD-” Rogarth felt the painful migraine return. It was his memory’s way of telling him they weren’t ready to come out of hiding just yet.

“Uh…okay, well, that’s all I need to hear! You’re hired!”

“Aye?”

“Aye! I mean…yeah! Whatever, come in on Tuesday, we’ll have Jeffery show you the ropes.”

Rogarth burst out of Ted’s office with an invigorated sense of pride. It was a feeling he only slightly recalled having once before in his past. The incomplete memory of a grand victory over an archenemy came to his mind. He could only see the fragments of his past life like a jigsaw puzzle spilled onto a floor. He walked out into the mid-afternoon sun and shouted to the sky.

“I AM ROGARTH! AND I HAVE BEEN GIVEN A JOB!”

He took a deep breath and began the walk back to Jeffery’s house.